My lifeline goes all they way down my elbow. I think I'm immortal.
Don't you "honey" me!
That cheez-it was my life! You ate my life!
Now I have two bombs.
Now I have two iPhones.
Now I have two XBoxes.
I propose a toast! Where does the term "toast" come from? Should we all be raising slices of bread? How do you drink toast? If I can liquify toast and drink it, I would say, to the end of forever!
Jason the Bot! The man! The myth! The Legend!
I am right here, guys!
I love how you feed your roommate while she sleeps so that she'll be the fat one.
Your pithy slaps are like a summer's breeze.
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la.
That moment when your bot starts gaining a mind of its own. 
21
Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore...
Who you gonna call?
If I were you I would want to be me too.
Ah, that makes sense!
Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?
Wait a minute doc. Are you telling me you built a time machine?
Nobody calls me chicken!
Last night, Darth Vader came from the planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't take Lorraine out that he'd melt my brain!
Some day, when you are older, you will get hit by a boulder.
While you're on the ground screaming help me please, the seagulls will poke your knees.
Kiss a wookie, kick a droid. Fly the falcon into an asteroid, till the princess is annoyed!
Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! -Navi
The Harry Potter movies are so much better than the books.
Take exit one hundred and.... and you missed it.
Now you know how it feels to lose the one you love.
Does your shoulder hurt? If so, you could be liable for a parking ticket in 78 different states.
Xander! I am your father!
When you say that you're okay, but you're not really okay.
My homework is due tomorrow, so therefore I'm gonna do it in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder if the world has the same artificial intelligence as villagers.
I didn't drop it, I just set it down really fast!
The more you learn Python the easier it is to commit tax evasion.
Jackson is hands down the best at Mario Kart. 
" "You miss all the shots you don't take" -Wayne Gretzky" -Jackson Coxson
I tried to make Ramen in the coffee pot and broke everything.
Give a man and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.
I'm not crying, I'm just allergic to jerks! Okay?
One day my refrigerator stopped working. I didn't know what to do so I just moved.
Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.
I typed your symptoms into a thing up here, and it says you have network connectivity problems.
If I die tomorrow, tell Jackson to clear my browsing history.
When they say 2 percent milk I don't know what the other 98 percent is.
I have no idea what I'm doing, but I know I'm doing it really, really well.
I didn't actually sell my last car. I just forgot where I parked it.
Get it?
8675309
If you want to call me, Jason, my number is 605-475-6968.
If you have any corny jokes, I'm all ears!
If you decide to use my program, I am not responsible if your phone turns into a transformer, kills your family, and blows a hole in your driveway.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Before you marry someone, you should first make them use a computer with a slow internet connection to see who they really are.
Don't take life too seriously. You won't get out alive.
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down. But I had to use my arms to lift myself back up. You know... close enough.
Of all the countries I want to visit, Africa is at the top of the list.
I want somebody to look at me the same way I at a circuit board.
Moist.
Sleep is for the weak. Garry is my best friend.
Hydrate your pupils.
Don't worry I called somebody to pick you up. The wambulance!
I watched the Percy Jackson movies over the weekend. Those movies are so close to the book!
Once a day, I'll look at myself in the mirror and think, "Man, I look humble today."